How to Help Those Who Refuse Help
I think that one of the hardest things to watch in life is to see someone whom you deeply care about be negligent in helping themselves, in showing up for themselves. The classic example is the parents who have a kid that becomes addicted to drugs. They waste all of their money on it, they never come home and when they do they’re a ghost.
In Unconditional Love Real?
In many cases, the parents will let that relationship destroy them. That’s the thing about unconditional love that parents have for their kids; it’s irrational. Sometimes, that irrationality is a good thing for the kid. For example, if a mother sees a bear approaching their kid, most would run at the bear, scare him off, or try and fight them if needed. That’s entirely irrational if the mother could have gotten away.
But most mothers and fathers would fight tooth and nail to protect their kids, even die for them. Likewise, most parents would allow the toxic relationship with their kids to ruin their life. Imagine if you knew someone at work that started having a drug problem. Hopefully, you’d try and help them, but when push came to shove, you’d probably not jeopardize your own life for them. Many parents absolutely would.
Love Causes Suffering
You see, love is wanting the best for the other person, and suffering with them in pursuit of that goal. However, sometimes that is a losing battle. Sometimes, loving someone else can in fact not be an act of love for yourself.
“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
And this is another reason why it’s ultimately up to you to show up for yourself first, because if you are not, then you are damaging anyone else around you that is trying to show up for you.
That’s an extreme case of course, but not uncommon.